I used to have his back, and I meant it literally. I could touch it whenever I wanted to. I could embrace it no matter when I feel like doing so.
I used to have him. His heart. His love. His attention.
It’s impossible for a second chance. There’s no way God will give us that. Or if he might, there’s no way we would still want that. It’s been complicated the first time. How will it work the second time.
I miss it. Not his back nor him. But sometimes I do miss him. But what I miss now is that feeling of being loved back by the person you really love. It’s ecstatic. It’s like your own personal drug.
Today is that time where I get a bit sentimental about love and whatnot. I’m kind of excited to know who’s it going be. And when it’s going to be. But i’m scared at the same time. But eager. Which is weird.
When being alone begins to sink in; it gets lonely to this side.

Dear God,
If it’s going to be this year. I want Arran. Just him and no one else.
Amen.